Imagine another situation: your colleague often comes late to work meetings. It causes some inconvenience and bad moods. You want to stop this. Let's clarify step by step what you can do.
Step 1. Choose the right time.
The best feedback is a timely one. However, it is better to spend some time to calm down, recall a few cases, and figure out what you are going to say.
Step 2. Choose the right words.
The same idea can be said in different words. These words can represent the difference between good and bad feedback.
These are 4 primary components of good feedback. It is easy to make a mistake in each one. So, here is a list of them with good and bad examples.
a) Behavioral - the main reason for feedback. It can be actions or behavior, but not a person in general.
| Bad: You are an unpunctual person!
| Good: I noticed you come late to our team meetings. It delayed the process and kept all of the participants.
b) Emotional - usually, it is a consequence of the behavioral part; please express your emotions; do not assume anyone else's feelings.
| Bad: You looked so calm when everyone else was irritated.
| Good: I feel exhausted when I have to work late due to our delayed meetings.
c) Examples - please recall some particular cases, do not generalize, and do not rely on rumors.
| Bad: Everyone notices it, you do it regularly.
| Good: It happened two times during the last week: you came late to the call with the client and department meeting.
d) Suggestion - how you expect the problem can be resolved; please avoid a commanding tone.
| Bad: Stop doing that!
| Good: Please do your best to improve your time-management or at least inform the team beforehand.
There are 2 additional components, which are more relevant for the oral feedback, but are applicable for a written as well:
e) Verification - check out with a person whether you understood each other correctly.
| Bad: No check out at all.
| Good: Please correct me if I am wrong, ready to discuss in person, will be in the office on Monday, available on Slack.
f) Recommendation - it is essential to be very careful here since no-one likes unsolicited advice.
| Bad: You'd better read this book about management.
| Good: I had a similar situation a year ago, and I completely solved it with the help of Google Calendar, reminders, vacation, and loud alarm clock.
Step 3. Choose the right tool.
You can give feedback either in a written or in an oral form. However, you should have a convenient place for preparing drafts before meeting or sharing a well-structured written message.
Step 4. Enjoy!
Cause working in a team with people who value feedback is a real pleasure.